There's something about the dark. You know, when it's supposed to be dark.
The middle of the night is quiet. Peaceful, even. The sunshine from earlier is long gone, replaced by the depth of night, which swallows the land. All is painted in ink, the moonless sky too light polluted to showcase the stars. But it's not menacing. Not like before.
When I was in that dungeon, with nothing but the bleakness of darkness surrounding me, I was plunged into fear and paranoia. Every sound I heard became another fear. Was it just the scurrying of rats, or was there someone lurking? My own mind became an enemy, painting threats where there were none.
But now, though I'm still trapped, I breathe a little easier, knowing that I can now see what lays beyond these bars. Tokyo, with her lights glimmering. Just a million neon stars glittering on earth, eradicating some of the darkness. Some, but not all.
That's fine, though.
I inhale deeply, tilting my head. Strands of damp hair fall as I curl my toes. I haven't felt this clean since I got here. I haven't been able to bathe as properly, but now, with my own products and with this attempt at a private bathroom, I was able to accomplish more. And the clean clothes. God, I missed feeling this way. I actually feel like a human now. Well, more human, anyway.
In the end, a prisoner is still a prisoner.
I exhale, resting my chin on the heel of my hand, allowing my mind to wander. I think about back home, hoping Grandma and Gracie aren't worried that I haven't reached out since I sent that last email. Then again, there's still that lame excuse that I gave them. The excuse is that I'll be busy with shrine tours and writing. It sounds bogus, but given the time difference, not impossible.
My thoughts continue drifting, going from Gracie and Grandma to H/P (wherever you're from/live). I miss my bed...miss my life from before this mess. I miss waking up and knowing I have a normal life. I miss waking up and seeing I have emails from Regina. I miss touring and meeting my readers. I miss just being...free.
The train of thought continues to race, chugging down the rails, darting from topic to topic until they fall on them. Banjou and Kaneki. According to Banjou, they had a plan to get me out of here. However, I'm no longer in that cell. Once more, what if Tatara is aware of their scheme? What if he plants some of his men there and as soon as Kaneki and Bajou show up, they snatch them up? I'm sure they'd be punished. He doesn't seem to be the sparing type, especially if he's already given Kaneki warnings regarding me.
Shivers crawl down my spine as my stomach quivers. I shudder, shoving that thought away. I can't think about that. Worrying about them...dwelling on their safety helps no one. Not them and not myself. In the end, I have to have faith that they'll be okay. One way or another, I need to believe that.
Just like that, once again my thoughts are off to the races, dashing and darting. It's amazing how fast our minds move when we're left to ourselves, nothing to distract us. It's actually impressive. To become this wrapped up and enveloped by our own thoughts, almost as if cocooned. However, I'm not sure what'll emerge from this cocoon. Not a butterfly and not a moth, that's for sure. It'll be something far more corrupted.
Something broken.
I sigh, "I wonder what everyone is doing. Grandma, Gracie, everyone at Anteiku."
I take a breath then freeze. Anteiku. Didn't he mention something about Anteiku? That Ayato guy? I'm pretty sure he said something. What was it?
I bury my face in my hands, thinking. I know he said something, but at the time I was so scared it didn't register. Not until now. Wasn't it something about being weak? I know it was a jab at Kaneki for sure. Saying he was weak. Calling him a weak ghoul who loves humans.
It clicks.
My eyes widen as my breath hitches. Human-loving weaklings. That was what Ayato called the folks at Anteiku. But why would a ghoul call staff members at a café that unless...
Is the staff at Anteiku made up of ghouls?
A sharp ringing chimes in my ears as my stomach twists. It makes no sense. How could they be ghouls? They...they look so normal. So human. And Touka...she even warned about the ghouls here. She did that as a worried human, right?
I think back to that moment, sitting in the café as I pressed for answers. Looking back at it, she was on guard. I'd even dare to say she was on edge. Was she...scared? Did she think I was...?
Oh, God.
The entire staff...all of Anteiku...are made of ghouls? Does that mean that their customers are...ghouls? All of them?
I don't want to acknowledge it, but then I remember those two women. The two had been talking in hushed tones. One was pregnant, but instead of beaming with glee, she talked about being too scared to bring a baby into this world. Did I misunderstand their conversation for being humans too scared of ghouls? Are they actually ghouls terrified of humans? Terrified of being slaughtered?
My stomach lunges. Suddenly, it all clicks. Me being in the world of ghouls is not suddenly made new with Aogiri Tree. I've been in it. Maybe even from the start. From the moment I landed in Tokyo, I have been living in their world, coexisting without even realizing it. But maybe it stems back even further. Maybe with their secrecy and low profile kept in H/P...maybe I've always lived alongside them. Maybe they've always been here, I just didn't know it.
Because I didn't pay attention.
**Bello lovelies! So, a little look into some nighttime thoughts with Y/N. Seems some things are suddenly clicking for her. Some things that might have been glimpsed over before. Also, don't worry, Kaneki will reemerge soon. He will be here. After all, can't have a Kaneki x Reader AU without Kaneki. That kinda, ya know, defeats the purpose. So, hope y'all are looking forward to that! Well, until next time, thank you so, so much for all the love and support! Stay groovy! Wuv yous!! <3**
-Noel Ross
